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Cast[]
- Kiff Chatterley
- Barry Buns
- Beryl Chatterley
- Martin Chatterley
- Rose Chatterley
- Tom Chatterley
- Beverly
- Helen
- Roy Fox
- The Pone
- Reggie
- Centaur Claus
- Bill
- Newcaster Sally
- Coyote Man
- Chinchilla Girl
Script[]
(Title Card with episode name appears while Sweepy Steve put a sign of the episode sponsor "Slim Pickins")
Newcaster Sally: Brought to you by Slim Pickins. We're never out of stock!
(Table Town News)
Newcaster Sally: It's Halfway There Day, folks! July 2nd, and we've made it halfway through the year. We've all been working so hard, and now is the time for our most beloved. No pressure holiday! Forget cleaning your house before some formal dinner. It's time to accept where you're at and take it easy. The Famous Halfway There Day Dinner is all about putting in 50% effort and having 100% fun. Are Tabletonians ready to half-heinie their holiday dinners? Our roving reporter Bill is talking to shoppers. Bill?
Slim Pickins Supermarket
(Roy Fox leaves the supermarket with his daughter)
Bill: In true Halfway There Day spirit, everyone sure waited for the last minute to do their shopping. (Reggie leaves the supermarket with a box of Fitness Pizza) Let's just hope they aren't putting any pressure on themselves for the big meal! (Reggie approaches the cameraman)
Reggie: HAPPY HALFWAY THERE DAY! WHOOOOO!!!!!
Bill: (chuckles) Looks like you're gonna get a visit from Centaur Claus! Remember, if you only give 50% effort, Centaur Claus will schlep his magical trash can to your house, so you can throw away your New Year's resolutions and go easy on yourself for the rest of the year!
Chatterley Residence
(Kiff gets all the things to start preparing dinner)
Beryl Chatterley: Kiff, you're working pretty hard. Are you sure you don't wanna go play? School's out! It's a blast out there. (It looks like Trevor, Reggie, and Reneé are playing with a trash can outside)
Kiff Chatterley: Mom, no! It's my year to make the Halfway dinner. It's the best night of the year. I'm gonna get it perfect! I mean... (scoffs) Get it 50%. It's gonna be great. (Kiff starts pouring the cupcake batter into the baking pans)
Beryl Chatterley: We can't serve the dinner crawl crew a perfect meal, and giving 50% isn't exactly your strong suit, which I know and love about you!
Kiff Chatterley: I'm cool, Mama cat! Look, I can guarantee I'll only give 50%! (Shows some post-its inside the shelf of things related to 50%)
Beryl Chatterley: Uhh... hon, (she takes her to a armchair) I think it's time I tell you the tale of Beverly. (She opens the book that she had next to her, and begins to tell Kiff the rhyming story):
"'Twas Halfway There Day, and time for the crawl. Where dinner would be eaten, in the houses of all."
"First came the starters at house number one. Simple, easy, and oh-so-much fun!"
"House two and three, first salad, then soup! "We're so relaxed," laughed the loosened-up group!"
"The next host was Beverly at house number four. She said, "Come on in!" and opened the door."
"Everyone froze. There was horror and shock. There was crystal and china from bottom to top."
"Through the streets they ran screaming, "But look how we're dressed!" Halfway There Day was ruined! She'd done her... best!"
"She made 'em feel bad for their average snacks. It was over for Beverly. They never went back."
"Where she is today, nobody knows. I heard she lives in the mountains. Her friends, only crows."
Beryl Chatterley: (finish to tell the sstory) It was messed up, Kiff!
Kiff Chatterley: I got this, mom. I ain't no Beverly!
(Shortly after, Kiff's grandparents and uncle arrive, Martin opens the door for them)
Martin Chatterley: FAMILY!!
Martin's parents and brother: FAMILY!! (They hug Martin, Rose turns to Beryl)
Martin Chatterley: Looking Good!
Rose Chatterley: Where's that Kiff?
(The Chatterley clan heads to see Kiff, who is still in the kitchen continuing to mix the Halfway There Day dinner)
Kiff Chatterley: Low, medium, medium-high, high! (goes crazy mixing everything but quickly, staining everything around her)
Tom Chatterley: He he he. Unplug her! (Kiff stops mixing)
Rose Chatterley: Kiff, loosen up!
Tom Chatterley: Yeah! This is supposed to be slapdash. I wanna be served a gutted mozzarella stick tonight. Just a flapping tube of crumbs. And I don't wanna know where the cheese went. I want you to slip it in my coat pocket so I find it years later on a walk! That's Halfway There Day.
Kiff Chatterley: Ok, ok, I'm on it! Now shoo. (her family goes to the living room, then Kiff smells something coming from the oven) OMG. No. Please be underdone. (climbs on the table knocking over the bowl with the mixture, reaches the oven and takes out the muffins)
Choir: ♪ Restaurant quality ♪ (can see that the muffins are 100% made and not 50%)
Kiff Chatterley: No! You're supposed to be average popovers. Pop-unders, so to speak. (shudders) But you're perfect (takes a taste of the muffins) Aaaahhhhh. Ah, this is a delicious nightmare! (Proceed to put the muffins in the trash can when she sees her mother)
Beryl Chatterley: Kiff?
Kiff Chatterley: No intruders!
Beryl Chatterley: Hon, this is supposed to be a no-stress day, so..
Kiff Chatterley: (with fixed gaze) I know it's a no-stress day!
Beryl Chatterley: OK, I'll get out of your hair. (she leaves, then, Kiff goes to the fridge and looks at a Halfway There Day dinner invitation)
Kiff Chatterley: Ah, Halfway There Day dinner crawl, I won't let you down. (looks at the back of the invitation, where there is a map of where the crawl would go) Five hours till everyone's here for entrees. Four hours till the crawl starts. (she takes a muffin out of the trash can) So I've got three hours to pull together a dinner that looks like I pulled it together in three minutes. I can do this. I'm breezy.
Slim Pickins Supermarket
(Kiff runs to the supermarket to see that all the shelves are empty)
Kiff Chatterley: Oh, they're outta everything! No wet bread sammies? No TV dinners? All that's left is... gold-leaf truffles? Ugh! I'm a goner.
(Kiff walks sadly towards his house. Go through a chorus made up of a coyote man, an elephant man and a chinchilla girl)
Halfway There Choir: ♪ Halfway there we're halfway there ♪
♪ If you haven't done it all ♪
♪ Then we don't care ♪ (Kiff sees a bear and a pug throwing pizzas like it were frisbees)
♪ We love one another the way we are ♪
(Kiff sits toward a sidewalk overpass. A bird lady approaches to ask her)
Beverly: Little girl, is everything all right?
Kiff Chatterley: I don't have anything for my Halfway Dinner.
Beverly: Here, take some of my leftovers. I always make too much. It's nothing special. So, perfect for the day.
Kiff Chatterley: Wow, thank you! I tried cooking, but I messed up, and it came out perfectly. I almost pulled a total Beverly.
Beverly: A... Beverly?
Kiff Chatterley: You know, Beverly. (lift the bags) The woman who tanked Halfway There Day. (Beverly looks at Kiff with a serious face, this is done after Kiff told her each question) She tried too hard? Made everyone mad? Beverly? Whole neighborhood talks about her like she's dead, but apparently, she's just not invited to the dinner crawl anymore? I mean, I guess she is dead. To the crawl crew. Beverly! (The latter makes some crows sound in the background) He he. Gosh, you're a quiet one. I didn't even catch your name. I'm Kiff. And you're...?
Beverly: (Saying her name very seriously and in slow motion) Beverly...
Kiff Chatterley: Eeeyikeseeola. (gets nervous for a moment) Well, Bev, gotta run! Thanks for the generous food parcels! (Several crows arrive and land on Beverly)
Chatterley Residence
(Kiff arrives at her house, setting out the plates and food that Beverly gave her. Barry, who just arrived earlier, looks at her)
Barry Buns: I thought you were in the bathroom.
Kiff Chatterley: I've been gone for two hours.
Barry Buns: In the bathroom?
Kiff Chatterley: No. But listen, we're OK. We almost weren't, but now, we are. (she puts the plastic cutlery on the table, getting everything ready)
Barry Buns: An average tableau!
Kiff Chatterley: HUZZAH!!!
Martin Chatterley: Guys, we gotta go!
Kiff Chatterley: Ready!
(Kiff and Barry are sucking each other's fingers while watching the table at 50%. Then, Beverly enters through the chimney of the house and, with a devilish face, grabs a candelabra, ready to give it 100% to the Chatterley's)
The Chatterley's: Halfway There Day dinner crawl!
(Everyone starts the crawl. First, they arrive at the Fox residence around 3 PM. Where Roy Fox welcomes them with big balls of cheese)
Singer: ♪ Halfway there. We're halfway there ♪
Roy Fox: Hope you like cheese balls!
Baby Turtle: Whee! (throws himself towards the cheese balls)
Singer: ♪ Then we don't care. We love one another ♪
(The Chatterleys then head to Helen's house at 3:30 PM)
Helen: I made a tossed salad! (Helen throws the salad into their mouths, Martin and Barry manage to catch the salad while Kiff gets it on her face)
Singer: ♪ It's time to lower the bar, yeah! ♪
(And then, both the Chatterleys, the Foxes, Helen and other friends arrive at the Buns residence at 5:30 PM)
Barry Buns: Group Soup! (opens the tap, soup comes out, and everyone takes ladles and drinks it)
(And finally, the gang heads to the Chatterley residence at 8 PM for Halfway There Day dinner)
Singer: ♪ And the time has come for us to say. Sit right down ♪
Kiff Chatterley: A lot of you didn't think I had it in me to half-heinie anything, but I think we're all gonna agree there is nothing about my dinner that doesn't scream "relax to the max." (laughs) Now, let's eat! (she opens the door and everyone is horrified)
(Everyone sees the dinner made 100%, the elegant plates with napkins, a ceiling chandelier, and even a band of musicians)
Helen: Is this a joke?
Kiff Chatterley: I didn't do this. I swear! Barry saw my spread, it was junk!
Barry Buns: It was!
Helen: Oh, your best friend's your key witness? Fishy. Too Fishy.
The Pone: Kiff, I let my hair down!
(Roy Fox begins to have heart attack, and a tiger lady holds him)
Beryl Chatterley: Guys, we'll do worse next year. Please, I-- I wanted to give Kiff a chance. T-To experience the joy of half-heinying something! Don't kick us out of the crawl!
Kiff Chatterley: I really did phone it in, guys.
Peacock Woman: You'll have to start celebrating with Beverly, wherever she may be.
(They all go home angrily, leaving the Chatterleys)
Martin Chatterley: Please, take pity on us!
Beryl Chatterley: No, no, no, no, no!
(Suddenly Christmas bells are heard in the background and, making everyone come back. They see a person sitting on the roof)
Kiff Chatterley: Centaur Claus? A Halfway There Day miracle?
Martin Chatterley: (with a sharp voice) AHH!
(Immediately, the person who was on the roof ends up falling. Everyone discovers that it was Beverly. Several crows come out of her hair)
Beryl Chatterley: Beverly?
Kiff Chatterley: (gasps and points at her bitterly. Barry does the same) You did this! You gave 100%!
Beryl Chatterley: Oh! Oh, I see. A real Beverly move. (everyone gets angry with Beverly)
Beverly: What are you gonna do, kick me out of dinner crawl twice? (and heading towards Kiff) You. You get it. I just finished what you started this morning. (laughs) Join me... JOIN ME!!
Helen: Let's get 'em! (laughter is heard in the background)
Centaur Claus: Ha, ha, ha. Merry Halfway There-y!
Everyone: Centaur Claus!!!
Reggie: Let's hug him! (Reggie, Reneé and a baby kangaroo head to Centaur Claus) But where?
Centaur Claus: Anywhere! (hugs the 3 boys) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Helen: It was Kiff's fault!
Centaur Claus: Helen, if I wanted to play the blame game, I woulda set up a folding table.
Helen: You've made your point. Did you come all the way from the Ecuador just to drag me?
Barry Buns: Am I crazy? Are they flirty?
Kiff Chatterley: Very Flirty.
Centaur Claus: This crawl crew has a problem. Have you all forgotten the true meaning of Halfway There Day? It's not about simply giving 50%, it's about not feeling pressured to give 100%. And if some people like Beverly or Kiff...
Kiff Chatterley: Centaur Claus knows my name...
Centaur Claus: ...feel no pressure to go all out, then why in the name of July 2nd are you putting pressure on them to do otherwise? Don't you see the paradox?
Reggie: We do now!
Centaur Claus: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Now, if it were up to me, which it is...
Reggie: Oh, totally, totally.
Roy Fox: What's up!
Centaur Claus: You'll let Beverly back into the dinner crawl and accept however anyone chooses to celebrate Halfway There Day from here on out.
(Several people head towards Beverly)
Roy Fox: Beverly!
Helen: Everyone is saying that they're sorry, which is the right thing to say.
(The Chatterleys hug Kiff)
Beryl Chatterley: We've really learned a lesson.
Martin Chatterley: We get it now!
Centaur Claus: My work here is done. (look at his magical garbage can) Oh! I almost forgot. (He opens it and a bright light comes out with an angelic chorus. Everyone is speechless)
Martin Chatterley: The magical garbage can! It's real!
Centaur Claus: Resolutions welcome! (Several people begin to throw a piece of paper with their resolutions into the magical garbage can)
Helen: Goodbye, exercising for 10 minutes every day.
Beryl Chatterley: See ya later, doing my taxes on time.
Roy Fox: Au revoir, waking up at 5 a.m. every morning. (chuckles)
Beverly: Take that, "decorating less"! I love decorating!
(After reflecting, the entire crawl, including Beverly, celebrate Halfway There Day at Kiff's house. Kiff brings a plate with gutted mozzarella sticks, removes the cover from one of those, and puts the filling in a pocket of her grandfather's coat, just as he said hours before. Suddenly, she sees Centaur Claus through the window)
Kiff Chatterley: Thanks, Centaur Claus.
Centaur Claus: Ha, ha, ha... (And heading towards the screen) And remenber... Go easy on yourself. (Use his magical garbage can and fly to the moon)
END OF EPISODE